There’s something in the air at the moment. Germs. Sniffles. Raspy lungs. Fevers and chills. Lately on the U&R Alumni Forum a number of our runners have been struck down by lurgies. Can colds be caught over the internet? I joined their miserable ranks this Saturday at 3am, when I woke up feeling like my throat was clogged with razor blades.

Since then I’ve been moaning my way through the first four stages of the common cold:

Stage 1 — I want my mum.
That initial fetal position delirium.

Stage 2 — Panic.
When the ‘flu seeps into your bones and you can barely raise your head off the pillow, you realise this isn’t going to be over in a day. I can’t have a rest day. I have a training schedule, dammit. What about that half marathon? How will I come back from this?

For me, the humble walker, the panic is less athletic. My tizzy is because this is the most exciting week in the Up & Running calendar! Our second Bologna retreat starts Thursday. I need my voice for endless chitchat with our global gaggle of lovely runners. I need maximum energy for worrying if everyone is having a good time and getting enough to eat, dagnabbit!

Stage 3 — Fear that it will never end.
What if I have this cold… forever? What if the lung butter never dissolves? What if my legs are perma-leaden?

A montage of skipped workouts plays in my mind… the couch flops with book; the kicking of trainers under my bed. All those times I had a perfectly healthy body and didn’t take advantage of it. FOOL!

Stage 4 — Vowing to never take my health for granted EVER again.
I will never skip another workout. I will eat 264% more fruit and vegetables. Anything to avoid feeling this awful, ever ever again! I swear, I’ve learned my lesson this time!

Still life with snot, 2011.

I’m trying to rest up in order to reach Stage 5. Tentative Recovery. There’s so much to do to ready for Bologna – obsessing over the weather forecast, my wardrobe, the contents of the goodie bags and the SPF of sunscreen…

If you find yourself in Stage 1 – 4, please rest up, buttercups. Let your bodies recover and recharge, ready for more great feats of athleticism. Clear lungs and blue skies will come again. I raise a scrunched-up soggy tissue to you in solidarity.